I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
