I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
