I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
