Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
