Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
