apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
