i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
