yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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