I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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