I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
