My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
