I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
