Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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