the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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