Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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