I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
