got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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