he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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