What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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