I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
