I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
