I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
that's an acceptable place to lick
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
