if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
don't judge my taste in strippers
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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