The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
