Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
