I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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