she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
