i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
