That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
