You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
