She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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