My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
