She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
