you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
