She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
