He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
