I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
