Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
They should really pass out barf bags in church
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
