i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Randomize
