Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
two words...techno handjob
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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