$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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