I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
