there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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