It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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