ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
