i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
