Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
