he puts the penis in happiness.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Randomize
