life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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