wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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