They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
