I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
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