My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
