Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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