Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
