Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
